Archive for July, 2008

The Tipping Point

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , on July 30, 2008 by Ricardo Montelban
Tip Tip ... Hooray!

Tip Tip ... Hooray!

One of my mottoes in life (one of the ones I actually believe, not just one of the ones that sounds good) has always been “treat people the way that you would like to be treated.”

At its core, it’s a pretty simple principle to live your life by. Don’t like getting yelled at? Don’t yell at people. Don’t like being bossed around? Don’t tell people what to do all the time. Don’t like talking to idiots? Quit hanging out with Republicans.

But the problem with this is that your actions, be they of the best intentions, still don’t guarantee you’ll receive the same kind of treatment. Sometimes your good deed goes unnoticed or, even worse, punished. It’s not that good deeds prompt bad responses, but sometimes people just don’t get it.

Case in point, I’ve had some pretty lame jobs in my time – there was the Italian restaurant where the staff had to chase the manager out to the parking lot for their paychecks; there was the nameless coffee shop that made me sit outside and count foot traffic in the middle of a tropical storm (oh, it really happened) – but not once have I ever been forced to sing for tips.

Which is more than I can say for the poor souls manning the counter at the Subway on Calhoun Street.

Not to knock Subway employees, but it’s a pretty sad lot in life to have your job half-heartedly referred to under the moniker “artist” when you’re dealing with cold cuts and condiments. Not to say the term “sandwich artist” isn’t anything but another marketing ploy from the King of Marketing Ploys (“Hey, fatass! Why not try the Jared Starve Yourself Diet?” “Of course these veggies are fresh! They just came from that can didn’t they?”) but the idea that some poor soul somewhere dubbed themselves that – maybe they were bored, maybe they were in computers and felt unfulfilled and one day just decided to quit it all and spin the art world on its head, either way it’s just too damn much to think about without crying.

So it’s no surprise I’ve never really seen a Subway employee smile. Would you? But the poor bastards I encountered this afternoon took sadness to a whole different level. A fact that was not lost on the lady in front of me, who, when given the tally for her 12-inch sub and Coke, gave the cashier a $20, just sort of looked brokenhearted at her and said “Oh, you keep the change” (I swear on Ryan Seacrest’s grave, she really did).

So when my turn came, naturally I was inclined to give the two hard-working, long-suffering ladies some change. Bolstered by sense of what was right, and pressured by my sense of shame, I dropped my change into the tip jar ($3 and some coin … I know, big spender, right?)

Of course, judging by the nearly empty tip jar, I should’ve realized that this was probably not an event that happened fairly regularly. No, in fact this was a special occasion. And as Disney has taught us, special occasions are always celebrated in song (and then the main character’s mom usually dies). So what do they do when you tip the employees at the Calhoun Street Subway, you might ask? Well let me break it down for you…

Clap… Clap… “Tip Tip”… “Hooray!”… “Tip Tip”… “Hooray!”… “You’ve really made our day!”… “We’d like to thank you personally-“… “-for visiting Subway!”… “Tip Tip”… “Hooray!”

As I stood there, watching this horror of corporate horrors, I realized (gazes into distance like Carrie Bradshaw) it may be difficult for most of us to express how much we hate our jobs … but it takes a Subway employee to craft it into a work of art.

—–

Happy Birthday, Melia!

Advertisements

What has two thumbs, a balky back and has way too much time on his hands these days?

Posted in Uncategorized on July 29, 2008 by Ricardo Montelban
Hey ladies, he's single!

Yo soy es mas macho ... y herido!

This guy!

OK people, get ready to be proud of me. What? You’ve been waiting 25 years and it still hasn’t paid off? Well wipe the dust off those congratulatory signs and streamers, because today I’m starting to blog again.

Si, chicos y chicas, I’m back to my blogging ways and you know what they say, it’s like riding a bike: once you learn, you never forget and if you never really learned… then I guess the metaphor doesn’t really apply then.

Where was I? Right, the blog. So I’ve started writing the first post here several times and, after leaving it to finish at a later time, I’ve gone through about ten different drafts, none of which retained any sort of timeliness or relevance (I do have some dynamite observations about what happened three weeks ago though). Because if you learn one thing about me from these posts, it’s that I’m lazy I’m a perfectionist.

Anyway, all that build-up and stalling aside, I don’t really have much of a witty intro left in me. I’d like to think there’s something else a little more important to say here, but in my head all I’ve got is something like, “Well, you know Timecop is on AMC tonight” … so I think you see where the discourse is headed here. Either way, I’ve come this far and I’m no quitter (note: except for that last time I quit) so here goes.

Hi, my name’s Chuck. My friends all started blogs and inspired me to start writing again. I’ve listed them all below as the cast of Lost.

Gillie

Gillie

Kate

Kate

First things first, you have no idea how hard it was not to pick Sun here (you’re welcome, Gillie). Like Kate, my roommate Gillian manages an equal balance of feminine charm and ass kicking, uh, ass-kickery (you can’t see it in the picture, but she’s got a Colt .45 revolver stashed nearby and she will use it if you try to steal her tater tots from her.) Girls, enterprising guys, what have you, you can all check out Gillie’s ideas for a modern 21st century wedding at http://no-dowry.com

Brian

Brian

Jack

Jack

Like the islanders, people often turn to Brian for help. And like Jack, Brian always seems to deliver. And he’s a freaking Lieutenant JG in the Navy/Army/Something Or Other … I don’t quite know what that means, but why not just check him out here and ask him yourself? While you’re at it, you can hear him detail what life is like for a Naval Officer stationed in Iraq.

Darren

Darren

Hurley

Hurley

Unquestionably, Hurley is the moral core of Lost … and he says things like “Dude” a lot. I believe my buddy Darren exhibits one of these traits in spades (I’ll leave it to you to figure out which one). You can check out his ever-changing design portfolio and 21st Century Communist Manifesto at http://schwindamania.com.

Ide

Ide

Sawyer

Sawyer

Like Sawyer, Katie Ide isn’t one to suffer fools. She has the ability to say what is on everyone’s mind but few actually have the nerve to say. She’s also involved in a passionate love triangle with Gill (Kate) and Brian (Jack). You can catch up on her move to Chicago here.

Melia

Melia

Sayid

Sayid

Don’t let the genteel and exotic facade fool you, Melia could fuck your shit right up if pressed (Go on, diss Color Me Badd, I double dog dare you!) You can check out Melia at http://www.reschoolyourself.com.

Gener

Gener

Dr. Ben Linus

Dr. Ben Linus

It’s quite possible that my friend Gene is an evil genius. Gene cherishes his blog The Gene Pool like Ben does his island. And the “Tina Cursing Corner” is now a daily ritual for me.

Lisa

Lisa

Locke

Locke

My friend Lisa is one of the smartest people I know, and, like John Locke, if you cross her she will cut you. Also, Dr. Ben Linus drives her completely nuts. So there’s that. You can read her blog here.

Kathleen

Kathleen

Desmond

Desmond

Funny enough, Kathleen has spent the past three years living in a small underground bunker … I actually have no proof to backup that claim, but why not? You can read Kathleen’s blog, La Vita Curiosa, here.

OK, that’s all for tonight, folks. It’s good to be back.