In case you were under the impression I’d been up to anything productive…

Bob has had the same away message since June: “I often think to myself ‘What makes Roy Williams any better than Christ?’ and I still haven’t come up with an answer.”

5:40 PM me: I think I know what makes Roy Williams better than Christ…
After months of dissecting this, I think I’ve come to a conclusion
5:41 PM Roy Williams plays for the Cowboys, right?
Who else plays for the Cowboys?
Tony Romo
Now who does Tony Romo date?
Jessica Simpson
But before that he dated Carrie Underwood
5:42 PM Now, the assumption here is that he dumped Carrie for Jessica
Now Carrie, bless her heart, has to turn to Jesus to take the wheel because her heart has been broken
Presumably by Antonio Romo
So, essentially, Jesus is her rebound
5:43 PM Now, assuming Roy Williams is able to horsecollar tackle one Don Antonio Romo in practice…
He will have sacked the man who sacked the girl who booty called Christ
Therein making Roy Williams better than Christ
5:44 PM I’ll let you think that one over for a minute
5:45 PM Feel free to respond any time you’re ready
I’ll just be here waiting, basking in the glory of my theological breakthrough
5:47 PM Bob: So, esentially, you are saying that Romo is better than Christ
me: No, and that’s the genius
Romo THINKS he’s better than Christ
Bob: And Williams is better than Romo
me: Romo is actually an idiot for dumping Carrie
Bob: thus making Williams better than Christ
5:48 PM well, I agree with you there
but if Romo is not better than Christ, I dont follow your argument
me: But, in thinking that he’s better than Christ, in line with his status as QB for the Dallas Cowboys, his ego is bordering on something near divine
5:49 PM Which makes it all the more supernatural for Roy Williams to drag his ass down by the shoulder pads
Bob: well, here is how I interpreted your argument:
me: Preach, brother
5:50 PM Bob: Romo > Christ, because Jesus got Romo’s sloppy seconds
me: True
But when I say that, I mean that Romo is only better than Christ in that one aspect
Bob: Williams > Romo, because Williams horse-collar tackled Romo
thus, Williams > Christ
5:51 PM me: So, for Williams to take down Romo is to, in some small way, be better than Christ
Bob: yes
me: Let me back up, you recognize the ability for one person to be better at something than another, but not necessarily be better, yes?
Like for instance, your knowledge of The Band would stump probably Jesus himself
5:52 PM However, Jesus has all the miracles and stuff, so he’s likely to be considered better than you
But, should I kick your ass in, say, Madden 08, it’s as if, in some small way, I’ve bested the man who was able to best Jesus in something
Make sense?
5:53 PM Bob: yes
however, in that argument, i do not see how Willaims is better than Christ
5:54 PM me: Because, it’s like saying Roy Williams has beaten the man who was able to beat Christ in the “mad game” arena
5:55 PM Roy Williams was more fleet of feet and able to perform a dangerous, illegal tackle to take down the man who said, “Here, Jesus. I’m done with this. You can have my leftovers.”
It’s really quite clear to me.
Do you still find this to be an unsatisfactory explanation?
Bob: you are making no sense
i have to go
me: Oh, am I not?
5:56 PM You know I’ve been thinking about this for YOUR benefit!
Fine
Be that way
I still think I’m right
Nay, I KNOW I’m right
Bob Wardlaw has signed off.
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3 Responses to “In case you were under the impression I’d been up to anything productive…”

  1. Bahahahaha. So THIS is what you guys talk about when the girls aren’t around.

    Jesus loves you both. And so do I.

  2. I was reading this thinking it was kinda retarded at first, then as I kept reading it became awesome.

  3. Genius.

    But 2 thoughts here:

    1) Roy Williams sucks. Like, profoundly sucks .

    2) Jesus and his Father were so insulted by the mere thought that Roy Williams could be considered by ANYONE to be better than them…
    that they promptly broke his arm.

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